Quarter Life Crisis

Written By: Melissa  Murphy

Quarter Life Crisis

By Melissa Murphy  

When they named Long Island they weren’t joking… its pretty damn long. From New York Harbor to the tip of Montauk is 118 miles, which can take anywhere from 3 to 5 hours depending upon traffic. I’m still not quite sure why we aren’t the 51st state.


Long Island aka Strong Island is known for their ghetto guys with Gotti hair cuts, gold chains, and orange tans – not every girls dream – well at least not this girl.


Long Island (as we know it – not counting Queens and Brooklyn) is cut in half width wise into two counties; Nassau and Suffolk. Both have million dollar homes & ghettos only minutes from each other – just depends what side of the railroad tracks you are on. Let’s focus on Suffolk County, not necessarily because its better (which it is) but because that is where I grew up (or continuing to grow up – but I digress) So then we divide again this time long ways; North Shore vs. South Shore. Again both have their plusses and minuses. If we narrow into Easter Suffolk County we come to “the forks”. Riverhead is known primarily for the Tangier outlets and Flanders for all intensive purposes is considered the “Vagina” of Eastern Long Island. The south fork is the 2nd home to the rich and famous… more commonly known as “The Hamptons”. Now the North fork is by no means less well off, some may even debate there is more wealth on the North fork because its old money, family money, and/or farm money. It was not be as glamorous as the Hamptons ‘ but there is less traffic, never a two hour wait to go out to eat , and the people are even cordial. And to top it all off there are some of the best wineries every 1000ft.


So where do twenty something post graduates meet significant others on this very Long island? I surveyed my friends (and I use that word loosely). The verdict:

(a)   At work

(b)   The gym

(c)   The bar


  1. Work: I have in the past met previous ex-boyfriends at work or through work… Emphasis on the ex. Now however I am the youngest person in my office by a good 15 years. And don’t worry I investigated the possibilities of sons, brothers, nephews, next door neighbors of coworkers – nothing my friends. (Again I use that word loosely).


  1. Gym: I guess this would entail me working out. Fine. I’ll do it.  I don’t even want to know myself at 6:45am after I just got done taking Roland’s spin class at Sportime. I sweat so much I could be easily mistaken for someone who just got thrown in the deep end with all her clothes on.


  1. Bar: In theory one might think this is a probable place to meet your future ex boyfriend. I’m sure the alcohol and dim lighting work in favor for those on the cusp of so-so, but for the small minority of us good looking people it just leads to poor decision making. (I speak from experience)


So I bit the bullet and entered the forbidden world of online dating. I had my reservations. But if Prince Charming wasn’t coming to me, then I was just going to have to find him myself. To me online dating is quite similar to Build – A- Bear. You can narrow your search down by income level, body type, religion, smoking preferences, etc. This is rather convenient for people who are as particular as I am.


“Tall, dark, handsome, occasional drinker, non smoker, no body graffiti, well educated, funny, clean, children friendly, motivated, Christian, std free, corporate executive who loves to travel and makes $500k per year wanted”


Well perfect didn’t shoot me a wink – however I did go on a date with the following…


–          ADHD (There is a reason why your Dr prescribed you that medicine – you should take it. And stop tapping your fork while we are at dinner or else I’ll stab you with it)